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How To Have More Good Days (and less bad ones)

On November 27, 2012   /   Joy, Love, Peace   /   Leave a comment
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I had a great day yesterday.

It was one of those days where things got really, really busy. Sometimes those days can spiral out of control, but not this one. Yesterday, the more I did, the better things got. Everything good seemed to build into something even better.

It was also a day that turned out completely different than what I expected. When I looked at my calendar in the morning, I had one appointment. The rest of the day was open for me to catch up on some stuff, do some reading, work on writing for you….it was going to be a nice relaxing productive day.

But it didn’t turn out like that at all! Now, when things started to go differently than I had planned, I could have gotten frustrated or angry. I could have shut my phone off and demanded that I was going to do what I wanted to do. But instead, I just went with the flow.

In situations like this, I’ve been learning to trust the flow of life. When stuff comes at me, I try not to resist it. Instead, I try to figure out what place it has in my life, deal with it, and move on. Sometimes, that means following the distraction that has taken my attention away from something I was focused on, just to see where it leads me. Other times it means taking action when I feel called to do so, even if it doesn’t make complete sense to me.

Mostly, it’s just about trusting that the universe is all a part of a grand conspiracy to bring success to me. Not just for my benefit, but for the fulfillment of my life’s purpose which is all about you and your success, both personal and professional, and helping you find true happiness, contentment, and abundance. The universe is conspiring to do good for me, because I appreciate every drop of it, and because I use what I’m given to do good for you.

The more I live this way, the more good days I have. Instead of trying to have things my way, I try to flow with the things that come my way. Instead of taking happiness and positivity and holding them in my heart for my own gratification, I find that I am happier when I act as a conduit for these feelings. Taking them in, giving them a good dose of gratitude and appreciation, then turning them right back out to others. Trusting that more and more will keep coming my way.

The good days are always the ones where we can turn happiness, joy, peace, or love that we receive into happiness, joy, peace, or love for someone else. All you have to do is start the cycle. Get, appreciate, give, then trust that since this is a cycle, you’re bound to get again.

The bad days start the other way around. When we stop the flow and try to hold on to what we want, the feelings of frustration, anger, resentment, fear, or any number of other negative feelings come up.

When I got home last night, I got out of my car and walked out into the driveway, looked out at the beautiful scenery that I’m so blessed to live with, and said (out loud), “THAT WAS FUN!”

I can’t wait to do it all over again tomorrow.

Have a joyful day!

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Tough Conversations

On November 13, 2012   /   Peace   /   Leave a comment
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The hardest conversations in life are where the largest growth is found.

This is true in many, if not all, areas of our lives. Whether it’s asking her out on that first date, discussing heavy moral issues, challenging someone who is struggling with addiction, questioning your faith, confronting someone who has hurt you, asking for a raise or a promotion at work, or finding peace with the issues in your past, or any other number of situations, these hard conversations are the areas that hold us back.

These issues can bubble under the surface for years. Sometimes for an entire lifetime. Not because they aren’t worthy of being brought up. Not because they don’t matter. Not even because we don’t care that deeply about them.

We avoid these things out of fear. Specifically, the fear of having someone else becoming upset with us. Our need for acceptance can cause us to avoid bringing up something that is vitally important to us.

This fear then causes us to minimize our own desires. Instead of asking for the things we want, we avoid them and make up all kinds of excuses why we don’t deserve that date. Or why we aren’t worth the kind of income we want to make. Or why we deserved the abuse we endured as children.

We deserve better than this!

What might happen if we just addressed the issue head on? There are only three potential outcomes.

The first is to keep avoiding it. I’m not going to spend much time on this, because it’s what you’ve probably already been doing. If you choose this outcome, you’re choosing to stay stuck in your current place and with your current circumstances.

The second is to bring it up, and the other person ends up being upset with you. Is this really about you at all? As we’ve discussed here many times before, what other people think of you is none of your business. Their reaction to your feelings isn’t about your feelings at all. It’s just about the way that they perceive them. They might be upset, and if so, it probably won’t last that long.

This is where you get turned down for the date. Or where your spiritual leaders chastise you for challenging their authority. Or where your friend chooses the alcohol over your friendship. This is where you step out on a limb and it breaks.

The third potential outcome is acceptance. Consider that there is also the possibility that the other person in your situation has been wanting to have the same conversation. Maybe they’ve been feeling the same way. Maybe they want the same thing you do. Maybe they’ll appreciate the fact that you brought it up.

This is where you get the promotion that your boss hadn’t even considered you for. This is where your parents or your mate apologize for causing you pain. This is where you find love. This is where you find peace within yourself. This is where you step out on that same limb, but it holds you.

You can choose the first option if you want. But I don’t think you’d even be reading my blog if you were the type that wanted to stay stuck forever.

So why don’t you just bring it up? Clear the air. Maybe it will go well. Maybe it won’t. Either way, at least you were honest with your feelings. Lying to yourself and burying your own desire isn’t the way that you were intended to go through your life.

When you open yourself up and share honestly, real growth, healing, and love happen. I know it’s uncomfortable. I know it’s hard. But the starting is the hardest part. And after you do it, you’ll be so glad that you did.

Have a joyful day!

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How To Turn Self Criticism Into Positive Feedback

On November 1, 2012   /   Love, Peace, Success   /   Leave a comment
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We are often very skilled at criticizing ourselves. After finishing a project, our thoughts gravitate naturally towards the places where we messed up.

When we fail at one of our goals, we often beat ourselves up too. The little “inner critic” comes into our heads, telling us how we screwed up again. It reinforces the beliefs that we hold about ourselves. If I hold a belief that I’m not able to control my impulses around food, then I find myself elbow deep in a bag of fast food, the inner critic will jump up and reinforce this belief.

Why is this? Is there really that much self-hatred in all of us? I don’t think so. This is really just a self-protection mechanism and a product of the way we were raised. Let me explain.

Imagine yourself as a child. Did you ever bring home a report card that had mostly good grades, but one subject wasn’t quite so good? Where did your parents focus? Probably on the bad grade. Their criticism ignored fact that you worked hard and got good grades in 90% of your classes.

What did they really want out of this criticism? To make you feel awful about yourself? Hopefully, they wanted the best for you. Seeing one bad grade when the rest were good concerned them that there was something wrong, or that you weren’t doing your best. They wanted you to get ALL good grades, so they focused on the bad one.

So the next time you brought home a report card that had a bad grade on it, you started to reinforce what they had subconsciously taught you…to beat yourself up over your bad grades. So, in order to protect yourself from their criticism, you started to criticize yourself.

These early experiences in life teach us that we’re supposed to focus on improving our weaknesses, so that if someone else criticizes us about that area of weakness, we have an answer for it. At least this way, we can show that we care enough to criticize ourselves.

But what does all this criticism really hope to accomplish? Is it just a way for us to beat ourselves up?

There is positive in every criticism. If I criticize myself for not being able to control my impulses with food, what I really want is for myself to make healthier choices so I can stay in good shape and live longer. If my parents criticize me for getting a bad grade, what they really want is for me to focus on my school work so I don’t miss out on an opportunity to have a successful future.

Next time the inner critic gets going in your head, tell it to stop! Ask yourself instead: What is it that I want to do differently? How can I change my behavior next time?

Then give yourself a break. You can’t go back and change what you’ve done, but you can do it differently next time.

Let your inner critic be your teacher, not your abuser.

And the next time you feel as if you need to criticize someone else for their actions, stop. Ask yourself instead: What is it that I want them to do differently? Why do I think this is important?

Communicate this to them in a positive way. Appreciate what they did and offer positive suggestions for the next time. Not only will they receive your criticism better, they will be far less likely to beat themselves up the next time they don’t do it right.

This is the only way for humanity to shut down the inner critic once and for all. We have to stop the circle of negativity.

Have a joyful day!

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Chill Out

On October 28, 2012   /   Peace   /   Leave a comment
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Today, you will have 24 hours to accomplish whatever you decide to accomplish. The same as yesterday, and the day before that.

So why is it that some of us need to PANIC BECAUSE THERE’S SO MUCH THAT I HAVE TO GET DONE AND THERE’S ONLY SO MUCH TIME AND IF I DON’T GET IT DONE THEN IT WON’T BE DONE AND THEN I’LL HAVE TO DO IT TOMORROW BUT THEN I WON’T HAVE TIME TO DO THE THINGS I WAS GOING TO DO TOMORROW AND IF I DON’T GET TO THE THINGS I HAVE TO DO TOMORROW THEN I WON’T HAVE TIME NEXT WEEKEND TO DO THAT THING I HAVE TO DO NEXT WEEKEND AND IF I DON’T DO THAT….

We get so worked up over the schedule we have assigned to our tasks, and the importance that we assign to the meaningless. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we do this to our spouses and children and friends?

This sense of anxiety over the meaningless chores we think are important and the self-imposed time frames that we put ourselves under is such a tragedy of our modern world. And a senseless one at that.

Does this high-strung, panicked, anxious response to the mundane things in life actually accomplish anything whatsoever?

What if you calmed your mind, reacted peacefully to those around you when something didn’t happen the way you thought it should, and stopped clinging to all of your expectations about the regular everyday stuff? What would happen?

You’d still have 24 hours to accomplish whatever you decided to accomplish. You could still get the same amount of stuff done in a day. Maybe even more.

Only now, you’d get the same things done with a calm mind, a peaceful spirit, and lower blood pressure.

As an added side benefit, when you calm down, the people around you will probably calm down too, which will give you less reason to get irritated at them, which will help you be even calmer.

So chill out a little, friends. All the anxiety doesn’t buy you a 25th hour. It just stresses you out.

Have a joyful day!

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What Is And What Can Be

On October 23, 2012   /   Joy, Love, Peace   /   Leave a comment
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I’ve begun to notice lately that there are two distinct views of the universe. The “what is” view and the “what can be” view.

Each of us lives in a continually unfolding series of moments…moments that we never get back. The difference between these two groups is how they view these moments.

You can usually spot a “what is” person by a persistent stream of updates about how good they feel or how bad they feel, how good they look or how badly they look, how much they like the weather or how much they don’t like the weather.

A “what is” person sees the current moment as the end. The final step in the series of events that led up to it, always making sure that everyone knows how this moment makes them feel.

Contrast this with what I’ve labeled the “what can be” view of the universe.

The “what can be” view looks at the current moment not as the end, or the result of all that has happened, but rather as the beginning. This view says “I don’t care what got me here, I just care about what is possible from this moment on.”

The “what can be” experiences the same moments as the “what is”. The difference is in how they see those moments. If we look at our current reality and see only the current reality and what led to it, we are allowing our past to hold us hostage and leaving our happiness to luck. We are focused inwardly on protecting and building up our own ego.

But if we see our current reality as the starting point on the way to what is possible, we take ownership of our own lives. We don’t enslave ourselves to the troubles of the past. Rather, we set our minds free to see the tremendous possibilities in this world. We can turn our focus to helping and serving others, rather than serving only the self.

If you find yourself focused inward: in pain, self critical, or otherwise using your current moments to reflect only on how they affect you, I invite you to join me in trying a new way. For a few minutes today, ignore how your life makes you feel, physically and mentally, and spend those moments focused on the possibilities that could come from this moment.

Focus on the positive changes you are capable of. Focus on the achievements you’d like to make. Focus on who you can love, who you can forgive, and who you can help. Anything but how this moment makes you feel.

You don’t need to focus on how you feel, because whatever got you here can’t be changed. If you focus on what is possible, just for a few minutes, trust me…the way you feel will be so, so much better.

Have a joyful day!

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How To Be More Successful By Working Less

On October 21, 2012   /   Peace, Success   /   Leave a comment
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The less I work, the more successful I am.

I know, I know, this seems counter intuitive. In the corporate world, time management and productivity are paramount. Learning how to get more done in the same amount of time makes you a valuable employee, because if enough people do this, they can lay people off and get the same work done with less cost.

My life is such that I could work 16 hours a day and never keep up. With over 4,000 clients in my insurance business, there is always stuff that needs to get done.

There are volumes of things that I need to get done as I prepare to launch my new company as well. In fact, I might seem like the definition of someone who needs a productivity system, to help me get as much done as I can in as little time possible.

But productivity doesn’t work all that well for me. In fact, it bums me out.

When I’m super-busy, I might get a lot of things checked off of my to-do list, but what did I miss out on? Was there some magnificent sunset or perfectly elephant-shaped cloud that I missed? Could I have had a meaningful conversation with a perfect stranger?

Success isn’t just about getting lots of stuff done. It’s about getting meaningful stuff done. Unfortunately, the things that are meaningful are not always the same as the things we see as urgent. If we fill our lives with everything urgent, we’ll forever be turning away the opportunities presented to us that could help us feel like our lives matter.

If I was always too busy with a mile-long to-do list, how would I ever have time to do something meaningful to me, like writing these ideas down for you?

This same concept applies to our thoughts. No action has ever been taken that has not first been thought of, and believed to be possible. So if success hinges on getting meaningful things done, it is imperative that we understand what is meaningful to us. This can’t ever be done when our minds are running at maximum capacity, full of worry, fear, and inconsequential thoughts about inconsequential things.

When our minds are that full, we crowd out the possibility for new thoughts. But, if we clear our minds we are open to our intuition, and open to receiving inspiration from our thoughts.

That inspiration can then be turned into action. Inspired action. Meaningful action. Successful action. This is how you become MORE successful by working less. It’s not laziness…far from it. It is powerful, purpose based action that starts from a place of peaceful inspiration.

Allow yourself some time today just to think. Meditate. Pray. Sit quietly, alone, in an empty room. Focus on your breath and the current moment. See what comes to your mind from this place of inner peace.

And no, you’re not too busy to do it.

Have a joyful day!

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Limiting The Effects Of Negative Influences

On October 9, 2012   /   Joy, Peace   /   Leave a comment
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In an ideal world, we would completely isolate ourselves from negative influences. But in reality, these influences are all around us. Even the most discerning person can end up in a job with negative co-workers, have a gossiping or complaining neighbor or some other unavoidable exposure to negativity.

So what do we do when we face these people or situations? There are some steps that we can take to limit the effect that they have on us.

When we are forced to deal with a negative situation, such as a spouse who constantly complains or a career that doesn’t align with our individual life purpose, we can feel trapped and hopeless. The illusion of being subjected to negativity against our will can increase stress and depress our mood.

If you face this situation, you need to regain control. You can start by acknowledging that you do have the power of choice in every situation. You may feel that you can’t afford to quit your job because the pay and benefits are too good and the job market is too unstable. Instead of bemoaning the fact that you’re trapped in a job you don’t like, acknowledge that you do have the choice of quitting. Instead, you are choosing to keep your job, because you enjoy the stable pay and benefits that it brings. This simple reframing of your situation will ease your stress and make you feel more in control.

When you feel negative judgments arising, don’t resist them. When we resist what life gives us it will persist, because we are fighting it rather than dealing with it. Instead, acknowledge and embrace your feelings. Only by doing so will you be able to progress to the point of letting the negative feelings and judgments go.

Journaling is another excellent way to release your feelings. At the end of the day, pour out all of your negative feelings and thoughts onto paper. Jack Canfield writes in The Success Principles about a process called “Total Truth.” I highly suggest checking it out. Negative feelings are like weeds. If you don’t fully extract them (e.g., pull out the roots), they will come back. If you’d like, burn your journal pages or letters that you write.

Decompression Tips

When you find yourself repeatedly exposed to the same negative environments, such as your office, use one or more of the following tools to decompress and center yourself before moving on to the rest of your day.

•    Don’t listen to the news, which only adds negative images and thoughts to your mental space. If you commute between your office and home, spend your drive time listening to relaxing music or something educational. I’ve mentioned before that I love listening to comedy on the radio, because it makes me laugh and fills me with feel good endorphins.

•    Create a decompression ritual to help you disengage from your negative environment. For example, take a walk after work, spend a few minutes praying, or do yoga. A few minutes invested in nurturing and calming yourself will be rewarded with a calm and happy remainder of your day.

•    Do not use alcohol as a way to unwind. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, which means that any stress and unresolved anger you’re carrying will come bursting out more easily. The innocent targets of your attacks will the people who deserve your anger the least: your family and friends.

Have a joyful day!

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Inner Peace At Work

On September 17, 2012   /   Peace   /   Leave a comment
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At work, we often face stressful situations, dreaded projects, irritating co-workers, frustrating bosses, an overwhelming number of tasks and messages, boring work we don’t enjoy.

These problems have one simple cause: we’re holding on.

The work itself isn’t stressful — it’s just action that’s taken or that needs to be taken. It’s our reaction to the work that causes the stress: our holding on to a wish that things were different.

It’s not the constant stream of interruptions that is frustrating — they are just events that happen around us, like a leaf falling or a bird flying by. It’s our holding on, in our minds, to the task we were doing before we were interrupted that causes the frustration. We wish we weren’t interrupted from the task, and we resent anything that interrupts us, and our minds are still half on the previous task.

Our co-workers and boss aren’t the problem either: they’re just other human beings trying to do the best they can in this world. It’s our holding on to the idea that they should somehow behave a certain way, that they should do their best to make us happy, that causes us anger and irritation.

It’s not that we have an overwhelming number of tasks and messages that causes us to be stressed out — it’s our reaction to that number. It’s just a list of things, or a phone ringing, or an inbox with a list of messages. Those things are harmless. But when we hold on to the idea that we can do everything, and that we have to deal with all this at once, we become stressed, because obviously we can’t. We can only do one thing, though our minds are on all of them.

So what’s the solution? It’s letting go. Stop holding on so tightly to inconsequential things.

Have a joyful day!

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Walking

On September 15, 2012   /   Peace   /   Leave a comment
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I’ve been feeling a real connection to Thoreau lately. Sort of a “kindred spirit” sort of connection.

Yesterday, I read this passage from “Walking.”

“I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits unless I spend four hours a day at least — and it is commonly more than that — sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields absoutely free from all wordly engagements. You may safely say a penny for your thoughts, or a thousand pounds. When sometimes I am reminded that the mechanics and shop-keepers stay in their shops not only all the forenoon, but all the afternoon too, sitting with crossed legs, so many of them — as if the legs were made to sit upon, and not to stand or walk upon — I think that they deserve some credit for not having all committed suicide long ago.”

How easy it is to forget that the legs were made for standing and walking, not for sitting upon.

Have a joyful day!

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A Life Lesson From The Wind

On September 11, 2012   /   Peace   /   Leave a comment
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There is so much to learn from the infinite and effortless power of nature. I feel like I could write about it forever and never run out of things to say. I sit here, contemplating the landscape that you see in the picture above, trying to choose just one of the overwhelming number of lessons that she teaches me.

Out of nowhere, I am struck in the back of the head by a solitary leaf, carried by the wind. It bounces off my head, off my ear, sticks to my laptop screen, then floats away into the distance.

The wind. All the beauty around me hypnotizes me. The wind, completely invisible, snaps me out of it.

The wind doesn’t even exist. Air exists. Wind is just an action; something that air does. Sometimes.

When the air does move, it can be gentle or it can be fierce. It can move in any direction, and can change directions at a moment’s notice. It can move a leaf across the lake or carry an entire weather system across the country.

The wind has no expectations. It doesn’t move air with the intended purpose of lifting a kite or knocking over a tree. It just does what it does.

Yet, there is no stopping the wind. It will carry out its purpose, to move the air, regardless of what obstacles it encounters. It simply finds its way around them. If there is no way, it just knocks them over. This interaction, where moving air meets its obstacle, is always felt, but often ignored or unnoticed.

When the air is dirty and filled with carbon dioxide, wind comes and moves it, finding its way through a green leaf or a blade of grass, filling again with life-giving oxygen.

An invisible reality, moved by a non-existent force. Encountering its obstacles and leaving an impact ranging from unnoticed to unimaginable, then leaving them behind as it continues to fulfill its purpose. Nimble. Powerful. Gentle. Self sufficient and self cleansing.

The infinite One is teaching me daily.

Have a joyful day!

I post a new inspirational article every day of the week (except Sundays).  If you enjoyed today’s post, please consider subscribing by entering your email address below. Free daily motivation, delivered automatically to your email inbox!

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